Couples Therapy

Couples often notice that they seem to have the same fight over and over again.

The content may change, but there exists a familiar underlying process.

Even couples who initially seek therapy to address a circumscribed issue, such as making a joint decision or processing an episode of infidelity, usually come to realize that their presenting problem is actually just a symptom of an underlying pattern.

Often, one partner tends to withdraw in response to conflict, while the other craves resolution and contact, leading to a cycle wherein each party feels increasingly unheard and alone. These issues can affect any couple, but may be especially salient for couples navigating differences in race, religion, or cultural background.

My approach to couples therapy is two-fold. First, each partner will learn to recognize and share their true feelings, even those they typically hide from themselves. Second, each partner will learn to listen more receptively.

The listening part can be harder than it seems; of course you want to know what your partner is feeling, yet you may unconsciously protest those feelings by arguing with their validity, moving quickly to “fixing,” or focusing on your own guilt by compulsively apologizing. We will observe these dynamics together, loosen up your blocks, and foster in their place a loving curiosity about your partner’s inner world.

During sessions, the couple will have many opportunities to practice alternative ways of communicating that emphasize candid sharing and supportive listening. Together, we will explore how factors related to identity, attachment history, and trauma (if applicable) may contribute to your dynamics as a couple. The results of this process often include not just a reduction in conflict, but an increase in connection and intimacy.

Couples therapy can be hard work at times, but the overall experience is usually gratifying and enjoyable–after all, you will be learning about and deepening your connection with the person you love most.

 Challenges I can help with:

  • Differences in race, religion, & culture

  • Parenting & step-parenting

  • Infertility & pregnancy loss

  • Sex & intimacy

  • Infidelity

  • Excessive conflict

  • Feelings of loneliness & disconnection

  • Issues facing LGBTQIA+ couples

How it Works

1

The three of us will meet for a free 20-minute phone consultation to discuss your presenting issues and my way of working.

2

If we mutually agree that this process could benefit you both, we will schedule a full consultation of about four 60-minute meetings. During this period, the three of us will meet twice and I will also meet with each member of the couple individually. Around our fourth meeting, we will provide one another with feedback about the process and I will make treatment recommendations, which may include ongoing couples therapy with me.

3

If we decide to work together, we will meet regularly, typically weekly for 60-minute sessions.